Omer Count – Day 37

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day thirty seven, which is five weeks and two days of the Omer. Hayom yom shloshim ve sheva she hem hamisha shavuot ve shtey yammim laOmer.

Today is Gevura be Yesod, strength within family, might within community

Do you have a person? Do you have someone who will love you when you fail (again) and understand your lapses and take care of you when you’re ill? Someone who won’t BS you that everything is fine but will tell you that everything will work out if that’s what you need to hear? The one who knows what you cannot do and will sometimes make up the lack, allowing you to achieve that much more? The one who listens when you babble and who will talk to you about interesting concepts? Who will enjoy your crazy activities even if it means hiking through muddy fields and who will invite you to theirs even if it means dancing to metal music? Because there is nothing more important in the world than that person. That person could be your partner, a friend, a parent, a grown child or sibling, anyone who is routinely there.

Sometimes, the young people I know say the things to me that baffle me like “but I’m not attracted to her!” “Being in a relationship is too much work.” “He’s so needy!” “Why do I have to do all the…” “I refuse to do emotional work for someone” and on and on. Now sometimes, the person they’re with is an abusive creep and the things they say are bang on.In that case, drop him or her as fast as possible, run far and away in the other direction and do whatever it takes to get rid of the problem. Often, however, the person is simply a sweet, socially awkward, unfinished young adult – much like themselves. By searching for that perfect someone they lose out on all the perfectly good someones out there.

So I think that having and keeping a person – that’s key. It is an essential part of my ability to function with the strength I need in this world

Today, I find strength in family and community.

Omer Count – Day 40

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day forty, which is five weeks and five days of the Omer. Hayom yom arbaim she hem hamisha shavuot ve hamisha yammim  laOmer.

Today is Hod be Yesod, gratitude within foundation, thankfulness within intimacy

You know, some people think that relationship is about sex and that having sex with someone else is the greatest cheat on a partner. Other people realize that it is the intimacy that matters – the loving touch, even if it’s a hug or a holding of hands, the eye-to-eye glance, the smile, the conversations late into the night. It’s when those are lost or stolen that the greatest cheating comes. Conversely, sharing those moments of intimacy is the greatest gift a relationship – or someone in a relationship – can have or give. Even when the moment is not an entirely positive one – even when it’s a screaming match over who loves whom how much, or how a chore was done – it is still a sharing and a closeness to be shared, and treasured. I am grateful for all the moments of intimacy I share with those close to me.

Today, I remember with gratitude all of the intimate moments I do share with others.

Omer Count – Day 38

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day thirty eight, which is five weeks and three days of the Omer. Hayom yom shloshim ve shmone she hem hamisha shavuot ve shlosha yammim laOmer.

Today is Tiferet be Yesod, beauty within family, grace within community

I am celebrating a month of having my adult son around. I have worked hard to find time to spend with him and it has totally paid off. There have been boggle games and sudokus, long philosophical conversations and hikes, singing and prayer. It has felt very strong and connected. This is where beauty lies. In slogging through wet fields together on a hike, in learning side by side, in trying to beat a timer or solve a puzzle or understand the universe just a bit better. I know that no matter what tasks are in my to-do list, and no matter how tired I am, there can be no better way of spending my time than with others.

Today, I prioritise family and cherish positive moments.

Omer Count – Day 39

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day thirty nine, which is five weeks and four days of the Omer. Hayom yom shloshim ve tesha she hem hamisha shavuot ve arba’a yammim laOmer.

Today is Netzakh be Yesod, victory within foundation, conquest within family

I achieved one goal yesterday. It was very small but I made it and that’s super powerful and I’m coming to you to celebrate it. I walked a “cross-Canada” hike every month this year. I have walked through August sun and January snow, in the morning time and late after sunset, in city streets with factories near by, and through forests, and over farms, by myself and with family. I have, step by step (literally) made my way across our lovely country, and kept my walking commitment to myself. It feels good. But this is not my victory alone – I couldn’t have done it alone. There are people who walked with me – family and friends – who encouraged me to keep going and who helped me overcome reluctance and laziness. Of course, I am also grateful to God – for making such a beautiful land, and for giving me strength, and for bringing such amazing people into my life.

Today, I celebrate my victory in the context of family, community, and God.

Omer Count – Day 30

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day thirty which is four weeks and two days of the Omer. Hayom yom shloshim she hem arba’a shavuot vey shtey yammim laOmer.

Today is Gevurah be Hod, strength within gratitude, might within thanksgiving.

I am grateful that I can read. Not everyone can. Reading is a strength and a power that I want to celebrate today. I thought that rather than go on and on about how cool books are, I’d share my top 10. (Put yours in the comments, and we’ll learn more about each other and the universe.)

My top 10 books:

1. Anne of Green Gables – Lucy Maud Montgomery – an orphan girl is sent to live with a crotchety brother and sister on Prince Edward Island and all are transformed.
2. Little Women – Luisa May Alcott – 4 girls grow up together through poverty, war, and snippy relatives and neighbours

Stranger in a Strange Land – Robert A. Heinlein – a man from Mars comes to Earth and changes the way he and countless others interact and perceive.

3. Jonathan Livingston Seagull – Richard Bach – a messiah story involving a seagull who just wanted to really learn how to fly
4. Small Gods – Terry Pratchett – What if you were just a young hapless apprentice monk and your leader was a rather nasty inquisitioner and your God was a tortoise? A must-read for anyone claiming to be religious.
5. Ender’s Game – Orson Scott Card – When another species attacks the Earth, someone must be found to stop them. When the best person to do that is a small boy, tragedy and love, growth and loss all play a part in a bittersweet account that shows the issues with war from a different perspective.
6. Lord of the Rings Series – J. R.R. Tolkein – Should the mystical ring of the evil overlord ever be reclaimed by him, he will take over the world. It is up to some very unlikely characters to find a way to prevent that.
7. Wrinkle in Time – Madeleine L’Engle – Space travel is possible but it has its risks when 3 children go up against darkness to rescue their father.
8. Exodus – Leon Uris – The settling of Israel is a complex story full of evil, good, heartbreak and growth. Join with various settlers to see what could have happened when Jews returned to their ‘promised land’.
9. Narnia Series – C.S. Lewis – Various children travel to another world to discover how wonder, magic, good, evil, and so on really work. (Puddleglum Marshwiggle is one of my all time guides and heros)
10. The girl who stepped on a loaf of bread – and other stories by Hans Christian Andersen – an excellent collection of fairy tales, this particular one follows a proud girl to hell and back as she steps on a loaf of bread that was meant to be a gift to her parents to protect her shiny shoes.

Today, I read. That brings knowledge and so, strength, into my life. I am grateful for reading as a way of exploring the world.

Omer Count – Day 33

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day thirty three, which is four weeks and five days of the Omer. Hayom yom shloshim ve shalosh she hem arba’a shavuot ve hamisha yammim laOmer.

Today is Hod be Hod, gratitude within gratitude, thankfulness within thankfulness

Sometimes we flat-out miss the carob trees in our lives. So when Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai was stuck in a cave, God created a carob tree for the Rabbi to ensure that he always had food and could stay alive. In some ways, I feel that Rabbi Bar Yochai totally missed this. He could have spent the rest of his time so overflowing with gratitude that he just did nice things for people. Instead, he totally took the whole thing for granted, and, in fact, was MAD at people for farming rather than relying on their own carob trees.

I can get into the same loop. Instead of being so grateful for my teaching ability that I celebrate it and help others to whatever extent possible, I can get mad at them for not practicing enough to live up to my standards. This causes others to be resentful and angry. In many ways, it blocks the miracle, because I can teach less well. It’s easy to do, though, with the aspects of the world that we’re good at. We forget that maybe other people are NOT. We forget that our knowledge and success are at least in part, miracles – gifts from God that are there to help us see the world as a magnificent place and to pass the gifts and beauty we find on to others.

When we remember, however, and gratitude within gratitude within gratitude is the only way to remember – that our talents are miracles, the world becomes more beautiful, our love becomes more strong, and we start to grow as people and as a community where we help others by sharing our miracles. It’s our very flaws that are worth being grateful for because they remind us how much of a gift those miracles truly are.

Today, I am grateful for the gifts that God has given me – the carob tree miracles in my life – and I am grateful also for the challenges that highlight and remind me of those miracles. I share my gifts with others because they have different miracles and challenges in their lives.

Omer Count – Day 31

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day thirty one which is four weeks and three days of the Omer. Hayom yom shloshim ve ehad she hem arba’a shavuot ve shlosha yammim laOmer.

Today is Tiferet be Hod, beauty within gratitude, grace within thanksgiving.

Today I appreciate the beauty of a weekend full of family. From climbing trees to doing puzzles, from learning math to learning Talmud, from silly shows to serious conversations, from going on walks to having a barbeque, sometimes it’s good to spend time with loved ones.  By appreciating the weekend, I make it more beautiful. Acknowledging the connections I’ve enjoyed and participated in highlights them in my mind and brings them into sharper relief. It’s easy to have a good time and then forget all about it – or even to remember only the negative details – the time one slipped and fell or the time someone said something in an aggressive way. Then, the times spent together seem mostly negative and ugly. The alternative to that is gratitude and it makes the day more beautiful.

Today, I am grateful for the positive times I spend with family, because family time is beautiful.

Omer Count – Day 32

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day thirty two, which is four weeks and four days of the Omer. Hayom yom shloshim ve shtayim she hem arba’a shavuot ve arba’a yammim laOmer.

Today is Netzakh be Hod, victory within gratitude, conquest within thankfulness

Ingratitude is so much easier though! It’s so easy to look at a job someone did and then say, “hey, when you do the dishes, wash out the sink, OK?” Or “how could you go get groceries and forget this incredibly important obvious thing (that wasn’t on the list)!” People who think this way (or speak this way) are, of course, correct, in a technical interpretation of the world. You absolutely should think of the sink when you do the dishes, and it’s a good idea to say “here’s what I’m buying, what else do we need” both to yourself and to others when you do the shopping. However, it’s mean. It hurts. It’s a blow. If someone went to the bother of washing out all the dishes, they put quite a bit of effort and thought into it (especially if they had also been the one to make the dinner). If someone took the time to go to the grocery store and spend money, that’s something you don’t have to do – or even if you do, because that one thing was that important? You don’t have to spend as much or stay for as long!

Now I know there are those who say, “hey, if I have to do all the thinking, I’d rather do the job myself”. People like that make me sad. To me, they have no place in a world that should involve massive amounts of interdependence, cooperation and love. They should probably find a cave like Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai did, because that’s where criticizing others’ contributions rather than accepting them and being grateful for them leads to.

Being grateful in a situation where you’re irked, remembering that the thankfulness comes first, couching things in an attitude of gratitude leads to the same result, but WAY more successfully. “Thanks for washing out the dishes! That’s great! It was a real disaster. Can I contribute by wiping down the sink? I like to do that when the dishes are done. Hey, great job on the dishes by the way.” This will way more likely lead to both dishes being done and the sink being wiped in the future. That’s a victory – in many ways. The dishes work is more likely to get done in the future as both sides try to do it. That’s a win. There is less likely to be a nasty bit of discussion with a “hey, didn’t you notice that I did all of this” and “if you can’t do a job right don’t do it” and “you never notice any of my contributions” and “you never pay attention to any of the details important to me” and “if you’re going to be like that I’m never doing the dishes again” and “yeah, good; I prefer doing them myself anyway” exchange. That’s a HUGE win – because we don’t want to end up in Rabbi Shimon’s cave. The relationship will be strengthened by the gratitude rather than eroded. Win again. The irritated person will have taken the time to think, change perspective, overcome their initial critical, snappy, judgemental attitude and turn it into an attitude of gratitude. Biggest win of all, because that’s what we’re here to do.

So, if the house didn’t burn down, the curtains weren’t caught in the blender, and you’re not having to scrape noodles off the ceiling, it’s worth it to recognize and be grateful for the contributions of others.

Today, I will turn my judgemental attitude to one of thankfulness. It’s not only a good idea, but it’s a victory leading to happier friends and family, stronger relationships and a better, kinder personality.

Omer Count – Day 21

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day twenty-one which is three weeks of the Omer. Hayom yom esrim ve ehad she hem shlosha shavuot laOmer.

Today is Malkhut be Tiferet, dignity within beauty, nobility within harmony.

So I was thinking about the fact that I don’t cook very well. Or dance really well. Or sing really well. Or clean well. I write, I learn, I teach and I can occasionally do a computer thing all right. But that’s not really enough to function in society. I mean I can do the basics – do my laundry and wash a dish and take the bus, but those extra things that tke the world from OK to wonderful? That’s harder. If I try to manage entirely on my own, that’s not a lot of dignity.

Luckily, I don’t have to be a hermit. I can live in a world, where, for better or for worse, someone will sing with me (and I sing better), someone will cook for me and someone will clean for me. They may be people I can help with a computer thing or some tutoring. Sometimes, when they are strangers or acquaintances, I have to negotiatiate. I ask for help, and offer services and sometimes that works out very well. It’s not always very dignified though. “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up…” never really looks good, is never all that comfortable.

In a loving relationship, it’s different. Yes, I have to do my part, but we know each other. The beauty of that is I don’t have to negotiate or ask for help most of the time, which is also hard for me to do. Within loving relationships, the negotiation is pre done. I will be the best and most helpful me I can be, offering the skills I’ve got to make a difference in our relationship, and so will my friend or family member. Our longterm knowledge fills in the negotiation, helping to turn our lives into a beautiful dance, where every member knows her part and dances with dignity. (I still don’t dance all that well, but better than not!)

Love helps to fill in the gaps and allows me to have dignity and nobility despite my lacks. That’s beautiful

Today, I try to ensure I’m filling my role in the relationships I’m a part of. I may not be able to do all the important things, but those I can do, I try to do beautifully and with dignity.

Omer Count – Day 22

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day twenty-two which is three weeks and one day of the Omer. Hayom yom esrim ve shtayim she hem shlosha shavuot vey om ehad laOmer.

Today is Khesed be Netzakh, kindness within power, love within victory.

Three times this week, I’ve said, only half-jokingly to a student, “Be careful with that. We don’t want you dead!” Three times, three different students answered, only half-jokingly, one of the following answers, all of which I have heard “Yes, that’s the point/a valid alternative/at least I won’t have to write this math test/I don’t see the problem with that/do I get an A if I die?” and even more specific statements which I had to look up or have explained – because I’m not up on “suicide slang”. I never even knew there was such a thing as suicide slang! I wish it did NOT exist! Ok, it’s generational, and yes with the ruined environment you have a lot to worry about. Yes, you have a big smile on your face, but you have a look in your eyes that fills me with worry.

In fact it’s freaked me out. It’s not OK, people. Seriously. We don’t want you dead. Let me elaborate on that. We would be devastated. We would not forget. You would ruin people’s lives – students, teachers, parents, friends – they’d all spend the rest of forever wondering if they should have told you how much you were needed and loved before this. And our memory of you? It would be shattered. You would not have acquired nobility in death – you would have lost it. People would feel anger, disappointment, even disgust.

You know what other life you’d ruin? Yours. The best case scenario would be that you survived but were injured. You’d need constant care (is this really fair to the others in your life) and there would be many things you’d miss out on. All your problems – the boyfriend or girlfriend, the math test, the parents, the confusion in your head – they will still be there, but worse.

And if you succeed, what then? Yes, you’ll miss that math test. Also every future party, every future class, every future game. You’ll miss having your babies, and helping make the world a better place. You’ll miss awards and prizes – and long quiet walks, and late night chats with friends. You’ll miss so much! And I guarantee that your valid reasons for your anxiety and depression and need for an escape, valid although I concede they are – I guarantee that there are better ways to resolve them.

Right now, you have the power to chose what the future will hold – not just for you but for everyone around you. You can choose life, and growth (yes, that gowth mindset that says every failure is just the first step to practicing for success). You can choose connection and growth for the rest of us too. Or you can choose despair, death, and loss for everyone. Today, I ask you to choose wisely and kindly.

Today, I use my power to choose with kindness, remembering that my choices don’t just affect me but everyone around me.