Omer 49

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day forty nine, which is seven weeks of the Omer. Hayom yom arbaim ve tesha she hem shiva shavuot laOmer.

Today is Malkhut be Malkhut, majesty within majesty, presence within presence.

Today is the end of the Omer. For 49 days, I have counted, written a thing (well, on most of them – I’m caught up now) and tried to think about my character traits. For 49 days I have worked to make a difference – however small – in myself and in the world around me by following traditions that are part of my heritage. The world has kept going – horrible things keep happening around the world, people keep coming over or going away, the to-do lists kept growing and being hard to cope with. Life kept being what it was. So, did this 49 days make a difference? As usual, it’s hard to say. I guess the best that I can say is I did it. I got through it. If nobility, if malkut is just showing up – then I showed up. Thanks for counting the Omer with me – lets do it again next year.

Today, I will keep being noble. I will keep showing up

Omer 48

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day forty eight, which is six weeks and six days of the Omer. Hayom yom arbaim ve shmone she hem shisha shavuot ve shisha yammim laOmer.

Today is Yesod be Malkhut, intimacy within nobility, family within presence.

Today, I realize that having family around makes me work harder, makes me try harder and makes me care more. In fact, that’s what I do it for – for my family, for the people I love and want to spend time with and and care about. That’s what gets me up in the morning, doing the things I need to do. I am noble not on my own, but in the context of a member of my family – my community. Today, I recognise that nobility is something we create through the bonds we share and the connections we make. Today, I affirm the basic meaning underlying my faith. God is love. The love we have inside of our connections is exactly what makes us more Godly – more noble.

Today, I understand that all of these traits – nobility, love, kindness, victory, and on, and on – they are all aspects of God. I access the love I have within me, and share it, thus increasing my closeness to God and so, my nobility.

Omer 21

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day twenty-one which is three weeks of the Omer. Hayom yom esrim ve ehad she hem shlosha shavuot laOmer.

Today is Malkhut be Tiferet, dignity within beauty, nobility within harmony.

So there’s a story about a small Shul. It’s broken down, old, no one goes any more. There are 6 elderly Jews left, and whether it’s Pinchas complaining about how much work there is or Sura chirping about her grandchildren, none of them are all that focused on faith any more. Finally, Rabbi Shmuel knows there’s a problem so he goes to see a wise Rebbe in a distant place. When he finally reaches there, the Rebbe is no help. “I really don’t know what to tell you,” says the Rebbe. “But you know what – I’ll let you know what my deep spiritual insight has discovered. One of you is the Messiah. You don’t even know it yourselves yet, but there it is”

Well, Rabbi Shmuel hurries home and tells this to his congregation. Everyone is confused. Who could it be? Not Devorah who was frankly, too old and thin and ill all the time, surely? Not Moyshe who was much more focused on his back than on his prayers? Not Rachel! She was hardly ever there! But what if it was? It could be!  Rabbi Shmuel? Sure he was forgetful and scattered, but he did know a lot about Torah…

Moyshe was just about to complain to Pinchas about his back when he thought “the Moshiach wouldn’t complain about backs!”. Pinchas was almost ready to tell Surah to talk about anything other than her grandkids when he thought, “what if She’s the Moshiach – those are the Moshiach’s grandchildren. They’d be pretty important.” He listened attentively. “Hmm,” thought Surah, “he listens so well. Maybe he’s the Messiah. He has a lot to do for a Messiah. Maybe I could help”. She set up some chairs and that Shabbat, brough a kugel to kiddush. Devorah settled in with a nice cosy smile. Delicious. And Rachel, who was there on one of her random visits was so impressed that she came the next week!

Gradually, as the six treated each other nicer, prayed with more kavanah and were more thoughtful in their own behaviours, more people came to shul. It started with Rachel, and then Surah actually brought her grandchildren, and then Pinchas brought his, and they had such a good time that their parents came the next week.  There were more people all the time, and the Shul grew and brightened. Thoughtfully, Moyshe hung a plaque that said “the Moshiach’s Shul” and this became the new title and attracted more people yet.

One day the Rebbe heard ot this Shul and decided to see it. “Well,” he said to Rabbi Shmuel, “did you figure out which one of you is the Moshiach?” “The Moshiach??” Said Rabbi Shmuel. “Who has time for that? Our Deborah sisterhood is starting up, our shool needs a new teacher, I hve a lunch planned for Sunday and Wednesday and our Torah sudy is booked for at least three months ahead. I’m not going to worry about the Moshiach! But really, Rebbe, is one of us the Moshiach?” “Well,” said the Rabbi, “the six of you saved something! You saved a Shul. And if saving a Jewish soul is like saving a world – then saving this shul is saving the universe.”

What would I be like if I was the Moshiach? Would I be more careful about that stain on my shirt? Would I avoid sarcasm more and worry less and work just a tiny bit harder? What if my friend was the Moshiach? Would I be more likely to call him up or to do that small favour for him? If I saw everyone as noble – as a Moshiach, a leader of leaders, would I be kinder? Because if I was – that would be beautiful. That would be majesty inside of harmony and nobility – nobility in the everyday.

Today, I recognize beauty and harmony when I see it – in evry face I see, including the one in the mirror. After all, any of us could be the messiah.

Omer 47

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day forty seven, which is six weeks and five days of the Omer. Hayom yom arbaim ve sheva she hem shisha shavuot ve hamisha yammim laOmer.

Today is Hod be Malkhut, gratitude within majesty, humility within nobility.

Today is my day to say thank you once again. Nobility – Majesty – these are impossible on one’s own. You can’t be a teacher without students, a parent without children, a rurler without subjects. Nobility only exisis in relationship and the part we play is defined at least somewhat by the parts other people play. So, today I say thank you – to all the kids who still ask my opinion, to all the students who didn’t drop my class to all the readers who made it through another slightly drippy Omer post (some of them have been drippy – sorry), to all of you – thanks. That I have sparks of nobility is due to you.

Today, I express thanks for those who support my nobility. I try to acknowledge and support theirs.

Omer 46

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day forty six, which is six weeks and four days of the Omer. Hayom yom arbaim ve shesh she hem shisha shavuot ve arba’a yammim laOmer.

Today is Netzakh be Malkhut, victory within majesty, conquest within nobility.

Have you ever heard the saying, “He talks big?” That’s me. I have grand lofty ideas that I’m sure will happen – but since I get easily distracted and have a bit of a compulsive streak, they don’t. It’s frustrating. Some days, I’m certain that all I need is another chance at every moment – and I only get one. So, how can I have victory, especially in a noble way? I can’t. Instead, I end up sighing. Gritting my teeth, dropping the big lofty ideas and trying again. Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s the only noble thing to do. To accept the failure, to sigh, and to try again, hoping that this time, I can achieve victory. Sometimes, it actually happens!

Today, I can win if I keep trying. That’s true nobility – to not give up.

Omer 22

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day twenty-two which is three weeks and one day of the Omer. Hayom yom esrim ve shtayim she hem shlosha shavuot vey om ehad laOmer.

Today is Khesed be Netzakh, kindness within power, love within victory.

So, I was on the internet today, reading about the tragedy happening in Gaza and Israel and read the following depressing exchange: “kids were killed – do you think it right to have snipers shoot kids?” “do you think it’s right to bring kids to a riot”, “Do you think it right to have snipers shoot kids?” “well, DO you think it right to bring kids to a riot?” “You haven’t answered my question” “You haven’t answered mine!” “You’re just a heartless self-righteous jerk who doesn’t care about kids!” “You’re just a rude, uninformed, ruthless, idiot who wants kids to die!” – this actually went on and on, and I was thinking – yup, that’s the Middle East. Somewhere, that scorpion is still stinging that tortoise, and they both still die.

(Story: scorpion asks tortoise for lift across Jordan, tortoise says no, as doesn’t want to be stung, scorpion says that would be silly as they’s both die, tortoise agres, scorpion stings tortoise midway across, when asked why answers – this is the Middle East.)

It made me sad. You see, the answers to their questions were obvious. No, it is not OK for snipers to shoot kids. No, it is not OK to bring kids to riots. Yes, there are probably other ways to deal with rioters than just by shooting them. Yes, there are probably other ways to protest injustice than through a riot where you’re told that you’re going to get shot. Yes, you should ferry the scorpion over. No, you should certainly not sting the tortoise.

The answers weren’t hard. What was hard was the khesed. When one is angry and resentful, the thing that doesn’t come easily is acceptance and trust. One starts plotting retaliation and revenge, and that leads to the other side being angry and resentful and that leads to more retaliation and revenge and it doesn’t get better. In fact, it gets worse. It gets Middle East. Even if one side wins, without kindness, that win is a hollow one, as there is more anger and more injustice and more riots and more snipers, and more dead children.

How to respond with Khesed? How to refuse anger? Now, that’s hard. But if you manage it – that’s victory.

Today, I win when I refuse resentment and revenge as a way of dealing with the world. Today I win when I chose kindness instead.

Omer 20

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day twenty which is two weeks and six days of the Omer. Hayom yom esrim she hem shtey shavuot ve shisha yammim laOmer.

Today is Yesod be Tiferet, connection within beauty, intimacy within grace.

How can I connect to those around me? One way is through loveliness. Now, I am not always lovely – but the more I see myself as beautiful, the more I work to look and sound and feel full of grace and beauty, the more likely it is that I’ll be someone desireable for others to connect to. Today, I focus on ways I can embody the beauty of this world, whether that is through my appearance, or through my actions and words, and the kindness and closeness I embody and the harmony and grace I exhibit. When I do so, connections and intimacy simply happen, as is their nature.

Today, I project the beauty in my world and I embody it to build connection.

Omer 19

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day nineteen which is two weeks and five days of the Omer. Hayom yom tisha-es’re she hem shtey shavuot ve hamisha yammim laOmer.

Today is Hod be Tiferet, gratitude within beauty, humility within grace.

I am grateful for the beauty I have been offered, in this lovely world. I find the beauty in everything I see and touch today. How can I best express my gratitude? I can spend my time trying to add to the beauty. Whether through planting or singing, praying or playing piano, caring for my friends or caring for the someone in the community, I can try to make the world more beautiful. When I do, others respond with gratitude – and with attempts to create beauty. Just through gratitude for what there clearly is, we can add to the loveliness of our beautiful world. That’s pretty fantastic.

Today, I am grateful for the beauty that surrounds me. I express my gratitude by helping the world to be even more beautiful..

Omer 45

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day forty five, which is six weeks and three days of the Omer. Hayom yom arbaim ve hamesh she hem shisha shavuot ve shlosha yammim laOmer.

Today is Tiferet be Malkhut, beauty within majesty, harmony within nobility.

Today I enjoy the beauty of things being as they should be. Today is a day for beauty, not only because the flowers in my garden keep being stunning, but also because it’s the 1st of Sivan and there’s a chance we might sing Hallel. I enjoy those psalms – like the cornerstone made out of the rock that the builders abandoned, like God answering with more breath, more width – opening. Today, I am wide open to the possibilities offered by God’s wonderful dominion. Today, I have the easy comfortable beauty of a queen, when I recognize the amazingness of the world and of the noble gifts I have been given.

Today, I am a queen graciously accepting God’s gifts of beauty, offered through flowers and song.

 

Omer 36

Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.

Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.

Today is day thirty six, which is five weeks and one day of the Omer. Hayom yom shloshim ve sesh she hem hamisha shavuot ve yom ehad laOmer.

Today is Khesed be Yesod, kindness within sexuality, grace within intimacy

When I am close to someone, I am open. I am vulnerable to them being able to hurt me. I get hurt amazingly easily, it seems. (Not physically – I’ve walked into walls, got huge bruises and not even noticed – but my feelings? Super fragile.) And if I get hurt, I put up walls. I don’t bother with cute little velvet-rope boundaries. I put up great big tall spikes pointing out walls and do what I can to not be hurt again. Except that I really like intimacy, so at the suggestion that some is available, I drop my walls and there I am again, open to being hurt with no protection whatsoever.

As with many things, the black and white approach is the wrong approach. Kindness within intimacy might involve recognizing that vulnerability within myself and granting it more slowly. It also means recognizing that vulnerability when others show it (not something I do very well) and protecting it as much as possible (something I do much better.)  I need to accept that sometimes, boundaries have to be tentative and partial and gentle and slow – and vulnerabilities have to be tentative and partial and gentle and slow, and both can work together to build the intimacy I want.

Today, I am kind to others who show vulnerability and I am kind to myself when I get hurt.