Omer – Day 39
Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheynu Melekh ha-olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’zivanu al s’firat haOmer.
Blessed be the Eternal God, Ruler of the universe, who makes us holy through Mitzvot and has commanded us to count the Omer.
Hayom yom shloshim ve tesha laOmer, shehem hamisha shavuot ve arba’a yammim laOmer.
Today is day thirty nine of the Omer, which is five weeks and four days of the Omer.
netzakh be yesod – victory within intimacy; power within romantic love
OK, so it’s probably not the best idea to be writing this after having a serious conversation with someone about rape. It just brings up all the wrong images. Power plays within loving relationships shouldn’t happen. Oh, of course there are everyday imbalances – one of the old Jewish jokes I remember was “I decide all the important things – who runs our country, how much to pay my workers, … -and my partner decides little things – what we wear, what we eat, what we do for fun…” It was a tongue-in-cheek way of saying that even power imbalances only work in a relationship when they’re balanced out.
So what kind of victory is there in intimacy? The desire – no, the need – for intimacy can lead to ugly feelings when thwarted. Jealousy, anger, resentment, shame – these are all the dark side of intimacy, and as with the dark side of the force, quite powerful. I win when I don’t give in to those feelings – when I say, “I will just love. Without jealousy, without any negativity for them or myself, I will love this person as hard as I can.” It is a struggle and a battle. I rarely succeed as well as I would like. However, when I manage to let go of jealousy and shame and anger and resentment and just hold love – that is a victory.
Today, I win at relationships when I realize the only one I have any power over is myself.