Omer – Day 28
Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheynu Melekh ha-olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’zivanu al s’firat haOmer.
Blessed be the Eternal God, Ruler of the universe, who makes us holy through Mitzvot and has commanded us to count the Omer.
Hayom yom esrim ve shmone laOmer shehem arba’a shavuot aOmer.
Today is day twenty eight of the Omer, which is four weeks of the Omer.
malkut be netzakh – nobility within victory; rule within conquest.
Sometimes, I wonder why I bother with the Omer count. Mostly, no-one reads it. I look at the stats and some days I have 2 – yes, that’s it – 2 readers. That’s with a family of 9 readers! I am lucky to get a couple of daily likes. Possibly, if I was someone who actually ruled something – a celebrity, a politician, a writer of renown, someone for whom this day was made, what I said would be significant. Or possibly, if I simply wrote better, more interesting posts…
But then I realize, I am exactly who I am. That’s my nobility and my victory! This is the way I write, and I don’t do the omer count for other readers, I do it because the inner self-reflection helps me make the omer a time of personal growth, and I share it, because I don’t mind and maybe someone will get something from it. I share it because it’s who I am – someone who, for better or for worse, likes to share her thoughts.
The famous Jewish story of Rav Zusia crying comes to mind. When his students asked him what was wrong, he said he was worried about appearing before the heavenly court for judgement. ‘But you have nothing to worry about!’ They answered. ‘You are as wise as Solomon! You are as kind as Isaac! You are as…’. Zusia answered them by saying, “thank you for your compliments, but really…I am nowhere near that wise or kind or … However, I am not worried about that. I don’t need to be as wise as Solomon. If I am asked by the heavenly court why I was not like Solomon, I can simply answer that I am not Solomon. But the heavenly court will not ask me why I was not like Solomon, they will ask me why I was not more like Zusia. And to that, I have no good answer.”
So, I will write again, because it is the best Anna I can be. I want to be the best Anna possible, and writing the Omer is me. As for whether I can write better, well practice makes better and there are 49 days of the Omer for me to practice in. The only one I can rule or conquer is me.
Today, I will try to be the best Anna possible and not worry about other people’s reactions.