Counting the Omer – Day 44
Barukh ata Adonay, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al sfirat ha-omer.
Blessed are You, Adonay our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy with mitzvot and gives us this opportunity to count the Omer.
Today is day forty four, which is six weeks and two days of the Omer. Hayom yom arbaim ve arba she hem shisha shavuot ve shtey yammim laOmer.
Today is Gevura be Malkhut, strength within majesty, might within nobility.
It’s weird. Today, I’m supposed to be strong and majestic, and yet I feel weak. This is supposed to mark the end of a long journey, you know? One in which I’ve matured and changed as I counted the days of the Omer. Instead, I seem to make the same mistakes over and over without an end in sight. This is NOT useful. It’s one way in which my life and the lives of my favourite novel characters differs. They seem to grow and mature, become something better than what they were. I, I seem to stumble along from one crazy mistake to another, littering the path behind me with missed opportunities and good intentions.
So, I can’t necessarily find my strength in success, because I don’t always have any. I can’t find might in my accomplishments, in the results I achieve. And Yoda and my dad both agree that it’s not the trying that counts, it’s actually the results I achieve. Am I the kind of ruler who just hides behind others, claiming the glory for their victories? Well, maybe.
I can find strength in something, though. I am strong enough, noble enough to laugh at it. Life – especially my life – is funny. It is gloriously, majestically funny. As a member of the nobility – for today we emulate nobility, and aren’t we that nation of holy people – my foibles make me excentric and interesting. So, today, I say “ha” to any weakness I feel, and then I follow it up with a whole lot of other “ha, ha, ha”s as I appreciate the hilarious nature of my stumbling through the mistakes I make. I know that only someone truly noble can laugh at herself, and that I can find the strength that I need in that laughter.
Today, we laugh at the ridiculous aspects of our own lives, recognizing the strength and majesty we gain from that laughter.